December is love.

December is the holiday season, and also my mother month because my birthday falls on the last day of December, so basically, I L O V E T H I S M O N T H. :))))))

On about the first week of December, I received a book stand from my friend, an Eiffel Tower Bookstand. I am so happy I hugged my friend in the middle pf the class. haha

And then For my Christmas shopping I bought the Eiffel tower figurine for myself. I am planning to collect all the inches they have. Haha. It's too cute I can die just staring at it.

And just yesterday (Christmas day) I received an Eiffel Tower key chain from my cousin as a present for Christmas. It is cute, right? :))))

I just love Paris and December too. Hopefully before or on during my birthday I wish to receive lots of Eiffel Tower collectibles. Haha So Calling all of my friends? hahaha

How was your December so far? :)

Third Attempt.

 rarely talk about my family problems because when I do? I get lost. Depressed. It’s killing me and I am aware of that ever since.

So I rarely talk about them.

But what the fucking hell is going on with my life?! It’s broken, damaged and I am taking it seriously. Which I hate of course, But I cant avoid it. I just cant T__________T

For you whore. You ruined my life, my beautiful family and my classic parents. You ruined everything, even your own life. You shall die, (ASAP Please?) Look, I know it’s bad to wish something bad for someone but isn’t it badder to do bad things at someone? So I hope you die. Just die. JJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUSSSST DIE! Tangina.

For you Dad, I hope you realize these things. These hatreds you’re causing me. These depression and over thinkings I am messing with. I hope you realize what you’re giving up to Dad. I hope you do. Do you know how badly I want to ruin my life? You dont. Because you fucking choose a bitch over your family. If I just want to, I could go back to my old vices. I can drink all night or smoke to death, I can skip school or worst? Get pregnant early. But Im not going to do that. Just because you ruined yours doesn’t mean I’m going to ruin mine. Thanks for leaving, I hope you to have a great life T______________T

These words are the exact words that I badly want to shout. But how? I cant. Im weak. I can’t finish this. Again. T_____________T

Second attempt

I dont know roughly how to start this. But this thing? It’s destroying me. I do not want it to, but it feels so damn hard, too heavy and for the nth time- Im weak :(

I plan to visit our old pastor and tell him about this. I think I need to pray real hard for I am losing my sense of life. Got no direction. Frankly don’t want to live this kind of life anymore. T___________T

I feel betrayed. I feel so alone. Trusting him was so wrong. I mean all these time dad? Seriously? T__T I never thought you’d be like that. I always look up to you. Made myself believe that when everyone turn their backs on me you’d be the last one to do so.

I  (am trying to) hate you. I dont want to, but you’re making me. I feel so miserable daddy. Why? :( T_________T

So Again, I cannot continue this entry. Sighs.

Truth be told

IM SAD

Im in a state of mind where in I feel hopeless, weak and just hmm. Sad. 

Truth is, for 3 consecutive days I have been crying each friggin night. I’ve been feeling that same old feeling I always used to. It’s hard, dealing with your own emotions yet trying to be strong for everyone. It’s just, HARD.

I refuse to tell anyone about my problems, fact is I only told the story to my boyfriend and to my best friend. They’re the ones who i can be a complete cry baby without being judge. Not that, i find people very judgemental (Perhaps sometimes) it’s just that i know I created an image within me, that kind of image who’s always happy, positive and cheerful. The catch is, I have no one to run to in times of complete loneliness. 

Well I know for a fact that my friends do love me, overwhelming love I say. They keep on telling me they will be just there when I am ready to talk and spill it all out. They send me “All will be well” messages once in a while. Others try they powers to cheer me up at the least. All I can say is that, i may not be blessed with a perfect family but at least I have friends. True ones.

Another fact for this unfortunate moment in my life is that whenever I’m alone. I just cant help it but to cry. sometimes for no reason, sometimes for flashbacks and memories, and sometimes (a lot of times) for the future. This change in my family, is a total bull. (sobs)

See I cant even complete this post without crying, so…

My Battalia Royale experience is...

My Battalia Royale experience is, was, and always will be... AWESOME.

When Sipat Lawin Ensemble introduces Battalia royale ( a loose adaptation of Battle Royale by Koushun Takami) at the CCP, I had failed to watch it because the last day that they've performed it was the only day that I knew about it. It got me dissapointed because I really wanted to see how will they execute such.

So when my friend told me that they will gonna have another screening and this time in an abandoned school somewhere in cubao. Oh God, I quickly saved the date.!

My Victoria Abandoned School ticket

That abandoned school experience was SUPERB. Good thing is I decided to wear plain clothes and shoes. Remember that in watching Battalia Royale, you have to wear the most comfortable clothes in your whole life because in Battalia, everything is intense. I was amazed on how the characters gave justice to their roles. You'll give sympathy to the losers, apathy to the loners, and of course empathy to each and every one. 

We run, we shouted, we clapped our hands, elbow to elbow with strangers whose goal in mind was the same as yours: To have a good view of the scene. You have to fight for your place,for a better view of each scenes, figuratively and literally. haha 

Of course the story is not that far from the original Battle Royale, in fact when you watch it? You'll be carried away to the story. I always heard these phrases from the audience "Imagine papatayon mo yung classmates mo?" Of course, I couln't help but to imagine it as well. Pano kaya kung wala akong choice and I really have to kill my classmates to survive? I really dont know what to do, One thing's for sure,(Insert irritating classmate's name here) gonna die first. haha

I also love the fact that the cast of Battalia Royale are humble individuals. You can talk to them after the show, take pictures with them be friends with them and eventually FB friends haha and so on. they are just really nice ;)

So I went home with that big smile on my face, I was so happy because I found my favorite play of all.

Battalia Royale ver. 3

After months of Battalia Royale fandom, They introduced another version of BR and called it BRv3. This time it was held @ Museo Pambata. I can say that I risk lot of things just to watch this. hahaha

I remember saving my last money to buy the tickets, and walking from UN Station to Museo Pambata without me knowing where Museo Pambata really is. Paiyak na nga ko kasi hindi ko talaga makita kahit anlayo na ng nilalakad ko. haha  And I was alone that time, I am wearing shorts in the middle of the night. God that's creepy. I would never forgot that haha.

When I reached Museo Pambata and saw my friends I almost cried. haha

I decided to wear white again because I love the blood squirting and all that shenanigans haha. I gained lots of bruises but never mind, that was a totally fun and awesome night ;) 

But really, I like the Cubao abandoned school more, Museo is so big, your energy decreases at the end of the game because eventually you'll get tired of running and chasing the students of Class hope. And there are far too many secret scenes that happens at the same time so it was really confusing to watch. You choose the story you want. The bigger picture will be achieved if you just chose to.  But neverthless, it's still awesome :)

My bloody shirt right after Battalia ver. 3

Battalia Zero: Last installment :(

After a month, Sipat Lawin Ensemble released the announcement of their last installment. This time it was called Battalia Zero. The best thing about this is that it's a pay-what-you-can show. haha Basically, it's almost free. :)) The catch is only 350 fans will be accommodated  I never want to miss this. I cant. I just can't. haha So I went ther with my best friends at 5 pm! an hour before the open house. And in just a couple of minutes, everyone is rushing to get in line. Luckily for us since we arrived early we already had tickets.

The show started and it was the most numbered crowd I had ever seen in my whole Battalia watching experience. Andaming tao 400 ata kami,. I kinda got  irritated because it was really hard to fought for a better view there's just too many people. Oftentimes when I like something and everyone just turns to like them as well, I immediately loses my interest. But I really do not know what's in BR that keeps me craving for it. Even if millions of people already liked it, it makes me love it more.

Again and again, a night of Battalia is awesome. ;)

Of course everyone loves a certain character right? haha I said love, okay? I love Sebastian Kiriyama. Haha Kiriyummy rather :P I have that natural knock when it comes to bad boys. I love bad boys. They look cute, tough and masculine and challenging! haha and he's just the  perfect fit for my description. haha 

Kevin is such a gentleman he's very very nice :)

@ Victoria abandoned school

@ Museo Pambata

Battalia Zero. (closer lol)

Have I told you guys that I love him? :P

I love sebastian Kiriyama. But my favorite really is Erlat Madrigal ;) She's this tough girl with lots of humor and she's a soft hearted betch! that i know! Lol She delivers her lines as if there's no script at all. Very natural. Cant say much I just really love her to the core of my heart ;)

Erlat

Since I am currently fan girling, let me introduce to you my favorite guys of all. The Kiriyama's ;)

Oh God. I can't believe BR has come to an end. It was such an awesome experience. Have I mentioned its an awesome experience? (what? lol) 

Note: Credits to SLE fb page for the pictures :)

Baking cupcakes :)

It's my first time to bake cupcakes. I usually make brownies and pasta. But I really wanted to make cupcakes so I decided to make one today and it's a hooray! :))

It tastes really delicious, I have to admit that I burnt some haha but eventually I was able to get the right timing for the oven ;) And I am so proud. lol

Along with the butter cupcakes I made a mixed drink too and I called it Tropical Tea spritzer. It's made up of Iced tea, Orange juice and soda. 

I guess i'll be having such a sweet dinner ;) 

If...

If...

Graduation is just months away, 6 months to be exact. And seriously speaking, here i am again- dunno what to do.

Meron naman akong concrete plans after graduation, well hindi masyadong concrete so I think it’ll be better to call it abstract plans. Pero parang di pa din tugma. O sige, drafted plans nalang after graduation. 

What I really want after graduation is to go to Paris and study film. I really want that like so badly that even just the thought of it makes me want to shout or cry or do something violent LOL. That’s what I really want in the first place. Kaso ang lakas ng tama sakin ng scientific method. Sabi kasi sa scientific method dapat daw may process para maabot yung conclusion. By process they mean steps. Ang daming steps na kaialangan ko pa gawin.

For me to go  to Paris I need (in the candy girls’ vocabs) moolah. Lot’s of em. Nacompute ko na actually so alam ko na kung magkano kaialangan ko ipunin. My plans are straight. Magtratrabaho ako ng malala. Siguro magkcall center ako for a while kasi practically speaking, malaki sahod dun and in no time I can earn what I needed. So, kahit medyo degrading ok lang. On our generation bitches, money now one of the basic needs.

So yun, call center. then save for Paris. Im not planning to go straight to Paris. Well, naisip ko kasi na kung magttrabaho ako sa ibang bansa, di lang doble, triple minsan times68 pa ng sahod sa call center yung kikitain ko. So ayun, I will work here, save some for the trip abroad then voila. More more work in a foreign land.

Of course, Im not ging to do that alone. Sinabi ko na to kay M (bf) he agrees with me and he even said that he’s coming. Pag nakaipon na ko enough para makatrabaho abroad. Sasama siya sakin, we’ll be renting a house or an apartment there. Parang live in while both of us is working for our future. Mag iipon ako ng pang Paris ko tapos yung other savings bibigay ko kay Mommy. 

After work, magiging semi wife ako kay M, gunna cook him dinner, tell him about my day, ask him about his and then cuddle. We crave for that moment :) <3

Siguro kapag nakapag aral na ko sa Paris, uuwi na kami ng Pilipinas. Magtatayo ng restaurant kasi ayun talaga yung gusto naming dalawa. Tapos nun magpapakasal :)

After nun ippursue ko na yung film making passion ko.

Kapag nagawa ko na yung gusto ko, bibili na ko ng kotse. And sa pagbili ko ng kotse (only my super friends know what will happen next ;) )

after that, I’ll guess i’ll be happy. that’s all I really wanted.

————————————————————————————————————

Why am I writing this entry? KAsi may sakit akong kalimot, aligaga, at magulong isip. One way or another pwede magbago lahat to at mag iba ang gusto ko mangyari sakin after graduation. sometimes I hate myself for being such a brat. But Im going to keep this entry, have this printed as well. Para next time na magbago na naman isip ko, babasahin ko to and will think about how wonderful it will be kapag nangyari to.

6 months. After that, this shall come to life.

Beggining to get crazy,

D

Minimalist

This is one of my favorite thrifted pieces. The long sleeved long shirt that cost me only 20 pesos. Cheap right? And so beautiful. It's very versatile. Can wear it with shorts or pants or with nothing at all. hahaha. Kidding. :)))

Vintage

The dress was from a thrift store, bought by a friend for me, she says she finds it very Daisy Cayanan. lol and my boots is my favorite shoes of all <3

High School friends are forever :)

October 24th.

I hate to go to school and claim my class card because I knew (expect somehow) what's waiting for me. A flunking  grade of 3.00 for Chemistry. I blogged a lot about my frustrations in the said subject before so no need to expand it cause it will just bring back the feelings. LOL I received a 2.75 for the effort by the way :P

But then again happiness is a choice so I just said to myself that whatever my grades will be I'm gonna eat it off with five of my favorite persons in the whole world. My high school friends.

We decided to meet in SM Manila, walking distance to my school and Lindcy's too. We planned to meet @ 2:00pm but due to human nature, we were complete by 4:00 pm. haha lol. I was the last one to arrive as always. haha

Off we went to the main event of the day which is to eat. We went to Zark's in Vito Cruz. Ryan wanted to try it so I demanded a free meal first before accompanying him there. haha Clever bitch, yes. haha I ordered the Zarks Ultimate burger and man it really is ultimate.

ultimate burger


I had an empty stomach before going to Zarks, but the mere sight of the ultimate burger made me ultimately full Honestly I had a hard time finishing it. haha

Rhenz, Arjhay and Butz

I think this is the Shaq burger that Arjhay ordered.

 Arjhay has the fullest tummy of all haha. He ate Lindcy's burger too for Lindcy cannot take the calories anymore. lol

Dahil sa picture na ito, antagal niya pumili ng oorderin haha

haggard me with my Ultimate burger courtesy of Butz. haha 

Butz, I really dont know what you're feeling but eat that burger.

the boys

lindcy moi

rolando. lol arjhay

There is so much fun in Zarks. Butz havent changed he still enjoys being the laughing stock. ahaha. Goofed with them while eating and then we decided to go to MOA. Ah, high school days. haha

The first thing we did is to play @ Timezone.  Arjhay being the richest kid that day haha paid for the credits.

The picture above is one of the funniest. haha Butz is not really playing so its really a wonder why he acts so. haha Mind you he's all by his self that time. lol

with moi

with my two loved boys in the world

Stroll, stroll and more stroll in MOA. nalibot na nga namen eh. haha Nakakapgod so Arjhay again being the richest kid that day haha treated us in Juice Avenue.

I ordered Divisoria :)

At Juice Avenue we reminisce high school moments, funny, sad, and awkward moments. hahaha
Si Arjhay kasi brinought up na me and Rhenz used to be you know what. haha Pero dedma, very past na yun. haha We are good friends :)

And look at what we've found, a photobomber lol 

To sum it up, it was a fun day. So much for a day, yes but its all worth it. We planned on meeting again soon and more frequent. Ah, these guys is just so lovable <3

Paris. Paris. Paris. Please?

Before I enrolled myself to my present school, which is Lyceum, I took the UPCAT and passed it but my dad is not open to the idea of me in a boarding house. He's scared for my safety and is not convinced that I will be a good girl. So I just rejected the idea as well, the idea of getting in to one of my dream schools which is UP diliman.

I am seriouos in taking Film courses there, I love films, (Indie films in particular) I'm an avid fan of films. Films. films. Blah. Motherfucking Blah Films. I LOVE FILMS.

Today, I came across New York Film Academy's (NYFA) website. And I drool over the programs that they are offering. But my eyes was fixed across the "Cinematography" course they are offering. It's about 760,000 pesos for a year of studying in there. And I'm not kidding. It's that expensive! Well at least for me cause we're not filthy rich. And it sucks. ugh. And of course, 760K is still not enough for me to study there. The lodge, my food, my toiletries, my allowance, the equipment I'll be using  will be another add-ons to my expenses. I just dont fucking know how can I fucking save 760K +++++++

Frustating.

Then i found out that NYFA also have a branch in Paris, France,it;s not so obvious that I love that place, right?. So yea, found out that they also have the same school in Paris and God knows how I almost lost my breath knowing I could study there. My dream place, my dream job. So awesome! so I searched for the tuition cost and found out that it's just about 200,000 pesos. (grinning right at this moment) 200,000! Not that far from reality.

And so my dreams were once again, revive.

I asked my old time buddy/ professor who already went to Paris on how much will it cost me to go to Paris and, how do I start and stuffs like that. I was so giddy when I found out that It'll cost me about 100K or so. So I needed to just save 300K-400K or maybe even 500K to fulfill my dreams. Right at this moment I swear to God, Why didnt I become filthy rich? Oh my God.

500,000 pesos. I need 500,000 pesos. Or maybe less If I get a grant or scholarsgip to NYFA (Which I was working on right now ) Bottomline is: I need a hell lot of money.

After graduation I swear to God, i'll save money when I get a job. And I'm planning to get a high paying job so I could save so fast.

Oh my God. Adrenalin's rushing again. Fuck,fuck,fuck. I;ll be at Paris and study film. I swear to God.

Yesterday, we celebrated our 4th anniversary. It was one of the simplest celebrations we had, cause usually we go on trips and stuff.  I remember on our first is where we spend a week going out on dates, and the second is where we went to Tagaytay, the third one if I;m not mistaken is at Batangas. Im not so familiar with occasions anymore XD for this day, we just spent the night in our house, he slept over :)

For weeks, I had been thinking of a gift that will somehow surprise him, I love surprising him. It's my way of saying thank you for all the things that he has done to me (drama eh. haha) So I decided to fill my room with sticky notes, cheeeeeeesy sticky notes :) And here's the result:

I tried hard to fill my room but it is soooooooooooo focken tiring I gave up,  haha I just formed a heart shape in the center, and it worked (or so I think). He was surprised so I received thank you kisses immediately. Me is so happy :)

Wala to.

Bukas gigising ako ng wala ng bubungad na "Good morning honey, I love you" message sakin.

Kakain ako ng tanghalian ng walang nagsasabing "Damihan mo ha"

Uuwi ako ng bahay ng walang magpapaalalag "Mag Ingat ka sa pagtawid ha"

Bukas, ako nalang mag isa,

Wala na kong katext hanggang madaling araw, wala na kong kasamang magsimba pag Linggo. Wala na kong pupuntahan tuwing Martes. Wala na kong kukulitin kapag ayaw ko gumawa ng homeworks. Wala na kong kasamang magplaplano ng pupuntahan para sa mga susunod na buwan. Wala ng susundo sakin. Wala ng bibilan ako ng gamot pag nagkakasakit ako. Wala na kong aawayin. Wala na kong kapalitan ng I Love You at I Miss You. Wala na akong dapat abangang anniversary sa October 19 :(

Wala nang magsasabi saking tumahan na ko, wala na kong kasama manood ng sine, wala na kong kajamming sa food trip, wala na kong kahati sa panyo, wala ng hahawak ng kamay ko. 

T_________________________________________________________T

Blah Bleh Blih Bobo.

Please don't expect me to always be good, kind, and loving. There are times when I will be cold, thoughtless, and hard to understand.

I named my blog : eccedenteciast, or in simpler terms it means someone who can fake smiles. I do good at that, Im a professional eccedenteciast. Maybe thats the reason why whenever I couldnt handle it anymore I am still forced to smile in front of other people, making the pain much worse that it should just had. I have attitude problems, I think. Who no Earth will hide her feelings every friggin time? 

Me.

I wish i was born a completely different person, a different girl, I can be the richest girl, or the poorest but with the happiest family, or a lesbiaan, or I could have been born as a flower or as the Eiffel tower. Nah, scratch this paragraph, Im going crazy.

Truth is, I had completely imprisoned myself to a life I no longer had. A life well planned, well organized, well sustained and all that shit. I wish and wish and wish that I could get that old life back.

Back when Mom and Dad was still the kinkiest, cheesiest, sweetest couple on Earth, back when they wouldn't argue everyday, back when we;d go shopping every sunday, we'd go out for dinner, we'd travel to Pampanga, Bulacan, ilocoa, Cagayan, Bukidnon, Palawan and even Macau. I want to bring back that shitful family I had before, I want and I need but it's useless, as Taylor Swift goes "We are never ever ever getting back together"

I wanna bring  back the days when I would not worry on every single thing in life. I want to be happy. Genuine happy again,

After graduation, I really am planning so much for myself. I wanted to reinvent my life, be a total transformed "me". I want to reach my dreams and attain my goals and comply with all my responsibilities too.

SCRATCH EVERYTHING I HAD WRITTEN. I really am going crazy.

I just want this to be short, Maybe I should just wait until I graduated from college and have all the time in the world to do what I needed to do to achieve my desirable life.

Im getting crazy.

Nonsense

xoxo

Passion

I just recently created another blog in tumblr and named it :Whatdaisywears.

Its a different blog than this one I got here in blogger., I am having fun with it because I love fashion and in there I can selflessly, freely talk about anything there is in fashion.

http://whatdaisywears.tumblr.com/ please follow :)

You told me you love me, So why did you go away? :)

I never thought I'd see him again. Ever.

I find it completely awkward to walk pass by someone whom for once had been your world, or so you thought.  That minute you meet the eyes of each other will be the exact time you'll probably remember everything you two had before. It's awkward. Very awkward.

I was walking hand in hand with my boyfriend and happily window shopping at the mall. Damn that was a very hot afternoon. Out of the thousands of faces I passed by the mall, I saw someone familiar, someone I knew very well, someone I kinda memorize everything about, someone I promised the whole world to, someone who had became a part of me. Ladies and gentlemen, my ex boyfriend.

He smiled and I smiled back. End of story.

I was surprised on the way I reacted. (Cause I thought I was supposed to cry or something). It has been 6 years? or maybe 5? I cant seem to remember, Maybe after all these years I really didn't care at all.

I have to admit that it took me several minutes to forget his face, but I cant seem to remember it now unlike years ago when I even memorize the shape of his lips.

So I had proven myself wrong. Its not awkward, I dont know for some. But it really is not the way I thought it would be.

Wala lang, I was just super amazed :)

--D

meilleurs amis

"GUSTO NIYO BANG GRUMADUATE NG MAY SAMAAN TAYO NG LOOB?"

Bungad ko para lang maumpisahan ang mahabang usapan, paliwanagan, opinion, diskusyon at kung ano pang dapat pag usapan nung hapong 'yon sa taas ng walls sa Intramuros.

Alam na kapag naggrupo kameng anim, ng SERYOSO, ibig sabihin may dapat kaming pag usapan. Kami kasi yung barkadang palaging joker sa classroom. Kaya naman napakabihira samin na mag usap usap ng dibdiban.

Naalala ko nung huli namen tong ginawa. Naiyak pa yung isa. sabagay iyakin talaga sya sa twing naggaganito kameng barkada. Kanina nga eh, naiyak din siya.

Yung usapan namin ngayon, SERYOSO.
Kahit hindi kasi sabihin nung lima, ramdam ko na may nasaktan, may hindi pa din nakakamove on, may kinikimkim lang, may gustong sabihin, may nangulangot.

Pero ano bang masasabi ko?

Ayoko lang mawala tong mga to sa buhay ko. :"))

20 REASONS WHY I LOVE BIGSIX


1. They accepted me. Kahit minsan hindi din kanais nais ang ugali ko, anjan pa din sila.
2. They love me. Mula sa pagflood sakin ng texts na late na ko hanggang sa pagpapakopya kapag may exams. naasahan ko sila.
3. With them, I can be in my most craziest. Walang hiyaan dahil walanghiya kaming anim :P
4. I am on my happiest whenever I am with them.  Oo totoo to, kahit korni :P
5. Open forums. Hindi ko alam pano to nagsimula pero automatic na kapag nagkaproblema, may open forum na kasunod
6. Overnights to remember. Kahit madalas na wala si Dan, yung every convo kapag nag oovernight kame = memorable.
7. Panget si Patty. Palagay ko hindi magiging super saya ng barkadang to kundi ganun ang itsura ni Pat. hahaha! :))))
8. Weirdo si Dan. Monggi si Dan. Sped si Dan. Yes, sorry sa mga nagkakagusto sa kanya, may saltik siya sa totoo lang. (Sorry pat! :P)
9. Si bea, weirdo din... ang taste. hahaha! No further explanation LOL
10. Si Klinton, bakla. Kung di siguro naging bading si ton, hindi rin siguro ganun kasaya :D
11. Si Yao Ming ay isang piranha. No further explanations.
12. Pinakamaganda si Dai. Period. :))
13. Tumagal kame ng 4 years, pero hindi kami naging B.I. sa bawat isa. Walang yosi, walang alak :) 
14. Ang mahal ng isa, susuriin muna ng lima :) Ganun kame kahigpit sa mga pumapasok sa circle namen bwahahaha XD
15. Parang magsyota, may future din kameng plinaplano magbabarkada. Magkikita kita kame sa Glorietta, kakain sa aveneto. Same time, same place :)
16. Dahil iiyak ako sa graduation. Sa totoo lang kapag naiisip ko naluluha na ko :P
17. Sinusuportahan namin ang bawat isa. Alam niyo yan?  kahit ilang bese kameng natalo ni ton, nakikiiyak kayo samin, OA kayo. hahahaha! :)
18. Mahal namin si tita Sonia. Siya ang ultimate nanay ng bigsix. (Penge pong macaroni para sa exposure sa blog ko)
19. Tagaytay, Batangas, Puerto, Hundred Island... Marami pa tayo pupuntahan together :)
20. Bestfriends ko kayo. :)

Madami pa akong reasons na gustong ilagay kaso masyado pang maaga para magdrama. :)

Not your ordinary slambook.

I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I... never... forget...

when one of my bestest friends die. Almost 2 years ago to be exact, I cant barely imagine how our lives would be without him. Being in a barkada that is composed of guys breaks my heart when I heard their silent mournings when Khay died. Khay was one of the brothers I'll never forget. I had a hard time letting go of him actually. I wrote down letters everyday or every week at least to keep him updated on what's going on in my life. I kept them till it almost reached a point where it occupies a drawer in my closet. Then I decided to visit him, mourn along with prayers then burned the letters hoping that my words will reach him, or God, or whoever their messenger up there is.

------

I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I...cry...a...lot.

I must admit that i am really a cry-baby. I cry for even the simplest dramatic scene in a telenovela, I cry upon watching public service programs, I cry when my dogs are sick, I cry when I am really pissed, I cry upon hearing the saddest love songs, I cry when someone I love leaves. I cry a lot. It's an avenue for me to release all my emotions. But it's a secret. It's literally the other side of me. 

----

I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I...love..more...than...myself.

When we found out that my lola's sickness is indeed dangerous, financially heavy and a burden to keep, the family has nothing to do but to accept the fact that we all have to sacrifice. Come dialysis days of lola, she sometimes lacks blood so rest assured that she needs replacement for all the blood that is lost. Dad, kuya. mom, tita, tito, cousins and vice versa as long as they are in the same blood type as lola donates neccesary amount of blood needed all for lola. (I'm about to burst into tears nanaman!)

It's actually a take it or leave it decision for the family. Because the only way lola can survive longer is through a kidney transplant.

One time I asked lola if she wanted to be cured. she said yes but she doesnt want a transplant because according to her she knows that no one will offer her kidneys for free.

"Ahm, gusto mo lan, ako nalang magbigay ng kidney ko?" I said.

She cried. she said as long as she wants to, she cannot do it. She loves me and she wants me to have a good life, she dont want my kidney. And then I told her I'm serious. I told her if it will cure her fast I am very much willing to do it. She said "no, apo God Bless You"

-----

I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I... blog.

Aside from crying, i find writing very very helpful in stress management. I compose my thought, my stories, my everything when blogging. I may be weird, but that makes me stand out from everyone ;)

Isang walang kwentang entry

Wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi umiyak, wag umimik, at kumain ng ice cream.

Napaisip ako, sobrang weirdo ko pala. Kahit anong ingay ko, kapag tinoyo ako ayokong kumakausap ng kahit na sino. Naiinis ako sa bawat tao. Hindi ko maexplain, parang tanga lang kasi yung ganung ugali ko.

Umuwi ako kagabi na hindi nakakaipag usap sa kahit na sino. Umupo sa sahig ng kwarto at hinayaang umagos ang luha na sumira sa eyeliner ko. oo ganun kadrama yung eksena. Gustong gusto kong umiiyak. dun ko lang nalalabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko. ang sarap ng pakiramdam pagkatapos ng iyak, parang relieved kahit papano.

Kelan ba ko huling umiyak bukod so kagabi? Ah... nung isang linggo lang halos. nung buryong buryo ako sa nangyayari. Gusto ko na talaga umayaw. Masyado na rin kasi akong napupuno. Pero sabi nila Think positive. Kapag naiisip ko yung positive, mas mahirap mag let go.

Kelan ba ko huling umiyak ng grabe bukod sa kagabi? Ah... nung isang buwan yata. Nung lumayas yung daddy ko sa bahay. Iyak ng inis, ng acceptance at ng galit yun. Iniwan niya kame eh, tangina. All these time, kala ko masaya family namen. Akala ko lang pala. Parang gusto ko nun manabunot ng babae na umagaw ng masayang family. Parang gusto ko siya iuntog sa bawat poste ng post office.

Kelan ba ko huling umiyak ng grabe bukod sa kagabi pero tears of joy? Ah... nung nakaraang taon. Debut ko yun. Hindi ako nagparty. Ayoko. Pumunta ko sa isang home for the aged. Pinakain ko yung mga lolo't lola. Binigyan sila ng konting regalo, nakipagkwentuha, at madami akong natutunan. Naiyak ako nun kasi inabutan ako ng lolo ng rosary sabi niya gabayan daw sana ako nun lagi.

Lagi ko ngang dala yun. Kahit san ako pumunta hindi ko iniiwan. Feeling ko kasi safe ako kapag dala ko yun.

Kelan ba ko umiyak ng grabe? Kagabi yun. Ang sakit kasi. Sobra.

Ang Pag-Ibig parang bulbol, magulo.

Cheeseburger at french fries ang naging animo'y pulutan namin ng ilan sa malalapit kong kaibigan habang may lungkot sa kwento ng isa, na sinabayan pa ng nakakabinging katahimikan naming mga tagapakinig niya.

Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat sabihin sa isang taong sobrang nasasaktan. Sa isang taong alam mong may pinagdaraanan.Ang hirap kasi iestimate, ianalyze, intindihin, suriin ng isang sitwasyon lalo na kung hindi mo pa naman nararansan yun.

Gusto ko na rin lang sanang makiiyak nalang, tumatagos din kasi sa puso ko yung mga eksena. Nasasaktan din ako, nalulungkot, naiinis, nasasayangan at napapaisip kung bakit nga ba sobrang unfair ng buhay naten.

Ang magmahal ng isang tao ay isa lang sa maraming quiz na hinahain satin ni God. Kapag nagmahal ka kasi, binubuksan mo yung buhay mo sa isang taong pinili mong maging parte nun. Ang masakit dun, hindi mo sigurado kung hanggang kailan nila gugustuhin maging parte ng buhay mo. Pucha hindi ko talaga maexplain kung ano ang love.

Ang gulo ng pag ibig, para nga talagang bulbol. Magmamahal tayo ng taong di naman talaga laan para satin, sasaktan lang yung damdamin natin. Matuto man tayo, may sugat pa rin. Masakit pa rin. Hindi ba pwedeng magmahal tayo nung taong para satin na talaga. Yung walang problema.

Going back, yung moment na lam kong pinipilit lang maging malakas nung kaibigan ko sa harap namen? Hindi ko maexplain. Gusto ko siyang murahin at sabihing "Tangina mo ilabas mo yan! Nasasaktan ka! Mahal kita, nasasaktan din ako para sayo!" Ramdam ko kasi siya. Hindi ko man alam gano kasakit yung pinagdaraanan niya, alam kong masakit pa din. Ang gulo ko magexplain, para rin akong bulbol.

Iniwan namin ang Mcdonalds ng may di maintindihang emosyon ang bawat isa. Nangingibabaw yung lungkot pero di mo naman maitatago yung saya. May mga realization na pwede pala, may mga luha na pumatak dahil sa inis, may mga salitang pinili nalang naming wag bigkasin. Habang naglalakad kami palabas ng Intramuros, sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko makakalimutan ang gabing ito.

Close Enough.

D: Where you at?

M: Home?

D: It's my graduation day.

M: I never promised.

D: I thought you'll come.

It was finally the day, D is waiting for. The day of her graduation. The day she'll bid goodbye to the university. The day she will shape her future. The day that will mark her new life. The day M refuses to go to. 

It was not a new story tho, D is used to M being an asshole. but she's used to it for they have been together for almost 5 years now. But now, she wants to cry.

Friend1: D, dont you dare cry! It will ruin your make up!

D: My day's ruined anyway. (watery eyed)

And then she left out a very brief and meaningful sigh. after the ceremony she did not stay long, she wants to go home. hug her beloved pillow and cry, cry until she finally forget that hey boyfriend ruined her graduation.

--------------

D: Honey! Wake up. 

M: What's the matter?

D: What day is today?

M: Ugh, Saturday?

D: date?

M: 19th... of October?

D: And?

M: Shit! Im late for work.

D: (to herself) Happy anniversary.

D skipped her very important meeting so as to surprised M for today is their anniversary. Not a single fuck was given, it was not even remembered. Broken as she could only be, she still finish decorating the whole room with sticky and cheesy notes and pictures of them for the last 5 years. Dried her tears, then off to her work.

It was hard, very hard. that after some years, people eventually changes not for good but for worst. 

D received a text message from M.

"I'll be home late, Take care honey"

---------------------

M: where you at?

D: home

M: Let's go out.

D: Sige

M: 10 minutes?

D: Make it 30.

M: Aw, I am missing you how about 15?

D: All right, see you :)

D dresses good. She have a natural knock on mixing her clothes. She wore plain shorts and a comfortable top because she knows that every date with M is an adventure. 15 minutes and she's rushing to put her make up on. 20 minutes all set. 30 minutes, an hour. 2 more hours, M arrived.

"What took you so long?"

"I knew you'd be so bagal, so I make the adjustments"

"You never kept your words"

--------------------------------------

M: Where you at?

D: I refuse to tell you.

M: Are you crazy?

D: I've been.

M: Stop it D, It's our wedding day.

D: I know, I never forget.

M: everyone's here except for you!

D: Im sorry.

M: You're coming right?

D: I never promised.

Coffee and Opening Windows.

I am eccedenteciast.

there is so much love for the word. It's like a hidden meaning to my boring name. It's speaks a lot about me. It defines me. I am eccedenteciast.

I acted like I am in control of the things in my life. Acting so brave and so still. I'm such a drama queen. truth is, I bleed. I cry. I suffer and I lose hopes.

Theres a lot of things to put a smile on but I can't. I just cant.

As my facebook status goes: Please don't expect me to always be good, kind, and loving. There are times when I will be cold, thoughtless, and hard to understand.


There will always be  point in life when you really need a break. A small shout out to the world that you are hurting. The wound hurts too much that you just wanna give up, I wanna give up. I wanna lose it. It's a tale it or leave it thing. It's my destiny.

Eccedenteciast means faking smiles. I fake smiles. i always do. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel that I belong. My friends are not used to me being this shitful of dramatic. But sometimes I just cant contain the sadness.

h a p p y : better said than done.

I refuse to write blogposts that tackles issues of our government, it's not that I don't give a damn, it's just that there are too many bullshits in their agendas and I am too tired of listening. Convict or not, we are hopeless.

Let me just scribble some good old stuffs that's visiting my half-filled brain these past few days.

It's not as important as the CJ Corona impeachment everyine is talking about, not as famous as the Jessica Sanchez fandom, not as sensationalized as the everyday local news. What I want to write is something about LIFE.

Just recently, I took a break off from the city life that I have been facing every single day of my 18 years of existence. It's a 3-day vacation to the city of Batangas. I'm a very internet-dependent person. Believe me man, it's like oxygen. I cannot go on a day without checking my social accounts, but for some change I decided to leave my laptop in Manila so as not to be tempted to use the internet during my vacation.  I had total and clean fun with my friends, It's the kind of life I'm looking for. No pressure, No work, No pollution, Simple living. Serenity at it's finest.

I realized then that it's not expensive to be happy. Happiness is not made through the gadgets we have, the civilization we embraced, the social status we have to maintain. Happiness is being contented. Happiness is being with the people you can be yourself around. Happiness is not that hard to achieve. It does not require anything. It's a choice.

It's sometimes unfair because when I chose to be happy God will bash me with unending dilemma that I have to face, sometimes alone sometimes not. I wanted to quit sometimes, I wanted to be agnostic. But I realized that if I will, nothing will change it will just make things worst.

I have friends, a boyfriend, a shit full of member family what more can I ask for? Jesus Christ, I want serenity. I want complete snob to negativity. I want to raise my middle finger to the complexities of life. I want peace, silence. at the end of the day it's a conclusion brothers and sisters:

i just want to be happy.

Totally Femme.

So yea, I wore this one aftenoon for my OJT. It's just by accident, because I do not have any available clothes to wear, all were in the laundry! haha

The red skirt, is clled a bandage skirt It's garterized and can fit any body frame. Plus it's sexy! I'm loving it. I bought it in divi for 100 pesos only. And i do hope to buy more colors.

The inside top was actually a cropped top i bought on a thrift store that cost me only 20 pesos! haha lucky find indeed.

The blazer. its a floral blazer which i also bought in a thrift store in Avenida. I bought it for 50 peos only! and i am so happy because it's just so pretty and just too affordable. I really recommend you buy at a thrift store, because those places are the harem of fashionable clothes, I tell you. hihi

The mustard flats, was my sister's. haha! I stole in in her closet :P dunno where she bought it :)

The necklace was mom's :)

And the Ctrl; Z rings, i like to call them my Undo Rings, is a DIY. I made it myself using toe rings, glue gun and keyboards from my old laptop :) cute right? hihi


We'll be posting more looks on the following days. Dressing up is love <3