Sabado, Hunyo 30, 2012

Not your ordinary slambook.

I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I... never... forget...

when one of my bestest friends die. Almost 2 years ago to be exact, I cant barely imagine how our lives would be without him. Being in a barkada that is composed of guys breaks my heart when I heard their silent mournings when Khay died. Khay was one of the brothers I'll never forget. I had a hard time letting go of him actually. I wrote down letters everyday or every week at least to keep him updated on what's going on in my life. I kept them till it almost reached a point where it occupies a drawer in my closet. Then I decided to visit him, mourn along with prayers then burned the letters hoping that my words will reach him, or God, or whoever their messenger up there is.

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I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I...cry...a...lot.

I must admit that i am really a cry-baby. I cry for even the simplest dramatic scene in a telenovela, I cry upon watching public service programs, I cry when my dogs are sick, I cry when I am really pissed, I cry upon hearing the saddest love songs, I cry when someone I love leaves. I cry a lot. It's an avenue for me to release all my emotions. But it's a secret. It's literally the other side of me. 

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I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I...love..more...than...myself.

When we found out that my lola's sickness is indeed dangerous, financially heavy and a burden to keep, the family has nothing to do but to accept the fact that we all have to sacrifice. Come dialysis days of lola, she sometimes lacks blood so rest assured that she needs replacement for all the blood that is lost. Dad, kuya. mom, tita, tito, cousins and vice versa as long as they are in the same blood type as lola donates neccesary amount of blood needed all for lola. (I'm about to burst into tears nanaman!)

It's actually a take it or leave it decision for the family. Because the only way lola can survive longer is through a kidney transplant.

One time I asked lola if she wanted to be cured. she said yes but she doesnt want a transplant because according to her she knows that no one will offer her kidneys for free.

"Ahm, gusto mo lan, ako nalang magbigay ng kidney ko?" I said.

She cried. she said as long as she wants to, she cannot do it. She loves me and she wants me to have a good life, she dont want my kidney. And then I told her I'm serious. I told her if it will cure her fast I am very much willing to do it. She said "no, apo God Bless You"

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I am a very weird girl sometimes.

The name is Daisy, I am 18. I live in a bungalow somewhere in Manila. Been studying for eternity and yes, come 8 months I will proudly call myself "a fresh graduate". I'm taking up Broadcasting? The reason? It's because I am talkative. I spill secrets, I put the fire in heated arguements, I speak cold words for the cold hearts. I reminisce. I... blog.

Aside from crying, i find writing very very helpful in stress management. I compose my thought, my stories, my everything when blogging. I may be weird, but that makes me stand out from everyone ;)



Biyernes, Hunyo 22, 2012

Isang walang kwentang entry

Wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi umiyak, wag umimik, at kumain ng ice cream.

Napaisip ako, sobrang weirdo ko pala. Kahit anong ingay ko, kapag tinoyo ako ayokong kumakausap ng kahit na sino. Naiinis ako sa bawat tao. Hindi ko maexplain, parang tanga lang kasi yung ganung ugali ko.

Umuwi ako kagabi na hindi nakakaipag usap sa kahit na sino. Umupo sa sahig ng kwarto at hinayaang umagos ang luha na sumira sa eyeliner ko. oo ganun kadrama yung eksena. Gustong gusto kong umiiyak. dun ko lang nalalabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko. ang sarap ng pakiramdam pagkatapos ng iyak, parang relieved kahit papano.

Kelan ba ko huling umiyak bukod so kagabi? Ah... nung isang linggo lang halos. nung buryong buryo ako sa nangyayari. Gusto ko na talaga umayaw. Masyado na rin kasi akong napupuno. Pero sabi nila Think positive. Kapag naiisip ko yung positive, mas mahirap mag let go.

Kelan ba ko huling umiyak ng grabe bukod sa kagabi? Ah... nung isang buwan yata. Nung lumayas yung daddy ko sa bahay. Iyak ng inis, ng acceptance at ng galit yun. Iniwan niya kame eh, tangina. All these time, kala ko masaya family namen. Akala ko lang pala. Parang gusto ko nun manabunot ng babae na umagaw ng masayang family. Parang gusto ko siya iuntog sa bawat poste ng post office.

Kelan ba ko huling umiyak ng grabe bukod sa kagabi pero tears of joy? Ah... nung nakaraang taon. Debut ko yun. Hindi ako nagparty. Ayoko. Pumunta ko sa isang home for the aged. Pinakain ko yung mga lolo't lola. Binigyan sila ng konting regalo, nakipagkwentuha, at madami akong natutunan. Naiyak ako nun kasi inabutan ako ng lolo ng rosary sabi niya gabayan daw sana ako nun lagi.

Lagi ko ngang dala yun. Kahit san ako pumunta hindi ko iniiwan. Feeling ko kasi safe ako kapag dala ko yun.

Kelan ba ko umiyak ng grabe? Kagabi yun. Ang sakit kasi. Sobra.


Sabado, Hunyo 16, 2012

Ang Pag-Ibig parang bulbol, magulo.

Cheeseburger at french fries ang naging animo'y pulutan namin ng ilan sa malalapit kong kaibigan habang may lungkot sa kwento ng isa, na sinabayan pa ng nakakabinging katahimikan naming mga tagapakinig niya.

Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat sabihin sa isang taong sobrang nasasaktan. Sa isang taong alam mong may pinagdaraanan.Ang hirap kasi iestimate, ianalyze, intindihin, suriin ng isang sitwasyon lalo na kung hindi mo pa naman nararansan yun.

Gusto ko na rin lang sanang makiiyak nalang, tumatagos din kasi sa puso ko yung mga eksena. Nasasaktan din ako, nalulungkot, naiinis, nasasayangan at napapaisip kung bakit nga ba sobrang unfair ng buhay naten.

Ang magmahal ng isang tao ay isa lang sa maraming quiz na hinahain satin ni God. Kapag nagmahal ka kasi, binubuksan mo yung buhay mo sa isang taong pinili mong maging parte nun. Ang masakit dun, hindi mo sigurado kung hanggang kailan nila gugustuhin maging parte ng buhay mo. Pucha hindi ko talaga maexplain kung ano ang love.

Ang gulo ng pag ibig, para nga talagang bulbol. Magmamahal tayo ng taong di naman talaga laan para satin, sasaktan lang yung damdamin natin. Matuto man tayo, may sugat pa rin. Masakit pa rin. Hindi ba pwedeng magmahal tayo nung taong para satin na talaga. Yung walang problema.

Going back, yung moment na lam kong pinipilit lang maging malakas nung kaibigan ko sa harap namen? Hindi ko maexplain. Gusto ko siyang murahin at sabihing "Tangina mo ilabas mo yan! Nasasaktan ka! Mahal kita, nasasaktan din ako para sayo!" Ramdam ko kasi siya. Hindi ko man alam gano kasakit yung pinagdaraanan niya, alam kong masakit pa din. Ang gulo ko magexplain, para rin akong bulbol.

Iniwan namin ang Mcdonalds ng may di maintindihang emosyon ang bawat isa. Nangingibabaw yung lungkot pero di mo naman maitatago yung saya. May mga realization na pwede pala, may mga luha na pumatak dahil sa inis, may mga salitang pinili nalang naming wag bigkasin. Habang naglalakad kami palabas ng Intramuros, sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko makakalimutan ang gabing ito.




Biyernes, Hunyo 8, 2012

Close Enough.

D: Where you at?
M: Home?
D: It's my graduation day.
M: I never promised.
D: I thought you'll come.

It was finally the day, D is waiting for. The day of her graduation. The day she'll bid goodbye to the university. The day she will shape her future. The day that will mark her new life. The day M refuses to go to. 

It was not a new story tho, D is used to M being an asshole. but she's used to it for they have been together for almost 5 years now. But now, she wants to cry.

Friend1: D, dont you dare cry! It will ruin your make up!
D: My day's ruined anyway. (watery eyed)

And then she left out a very brief and meaningful sigh. after the ceremony she did not stay long, she wants to go home. hug her beloved pillow and cry, cry until she finally forget that hey boyfriend ruined her graduation.

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D: Honey! Wake up. 
M: What's the matter?
D: What day is today?
M: Ugh, Saturday?
D: date?
M: 19th... of October?
D: And?
M: Shit! Im late for work.

D: (to herself) Happy anniversary.

D skipped her very important meeting so as to surprised M for today is their anniversary. Not a single fuck was given, it was not even remembered. Broken as she could only be, she still finish decorating the whole room with sticky and cheesy notes and pictures of them for the last 5 years. Dried her tears, then off to her work.

It was hard, very hard. that after some years, people eventually changes not for good but for worst. 

D received a text message from M.

"I'll be home late, Take care honey"

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M: where you at?
D: home
M: Let's go out.
D: Sige
M: 10 minutes?
D: Make it 30.
M: Aw, I am missing you how about 15?
D: All right, see you :)

D dresses good. She have a natural knock on mixing her clothes. She wore plain shorts and a comfortable top because she knows that every date with M is an adventure. 15 minutes and she's rushing to put her make up on. 20 minutes all set. 30 minutes, an hour. 2 more hours, M arrived.

"What took you so long?"

"I knew you'd be so bagal, so I make the adjustments"

"You never kept your words"

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M: Where you at?
D: I refuse to tell you.
M: Are you crazy?
D: I've been.
M: Stop it D, It's our wedding day.
D: I know, I never forget.
M: everyone's here except for you!
D: Im sorry.
M: You're coming right?
D: I never promised.









Coffee and Opening Windows.

I am eccedenteciast.

there is so much love for the word. It's like a hidden meaning to my boring name. It's speaks a lot about me. It defines me. I am eccedenteciast.

I acted like I am in control of the things in my life. Acting so brave and so still. I'm such a drama queen. truth is, I bleed. I cry. I suffer and I lose hopes.

Theres a lot of things to put a smile on but I can't. I just cant.

As my facebook status goes: Please don't expect me to always be good, kind, and loving. There are times when I will be cold, thoughtless, and hard to understand.


There will always be  point in life when you really need a break. A small shout out to the world that you are hurting. The wound hurts too much that you just wanna give up, I wanna give up. I wanna lose it. It's a tale it or leave it thing. It's my destiny.


Eccedenteciast means faking smiles. I fake smiles. i always do. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel that I belong. My friends are not used to me being this shitful of dramatic. But sometimes I just cant contain the sadness.