Second attempt

I dont know roughly how to start this. But this thing? It’s destroying me. I do not want it to, but it feels so damn hard, too heavy and for the nth time- Im weak :(

I plan to visit our old pastor and tell him about this. I think I need to pray real hard for I am losing my sense of life. Got no direction. Frankly don’t want to live this kind of life anymore. T___________T

I feel betrayed. I feel so alone. Trusting him was so wrong. I mean all these time dad? Seriously? T__T I never thought you’d be like that. I always look up to you. Made myself believe that when everyone turn their backs on me you’d be the last one to do so.

I  (am trying to) hate you. I dont want to, but you’re making me. I feel so miserable daddy. Why? :( T_________T

So Again, I cannot continue this entry. Sighs.

Truth be told

IM SAD

Im in a state of mind where in I feel hopeless, weak and just hmm. Sad. 

Truth is, for 3 consecutive days I have been crying each friggin night. I’ve been feeling that same old feeling I always used to. It’s hard, dealing with your own emotions yet trying to be strong for everyone. It’s just, HARD.

I refuse to tell anyone about my problems, fact is I only told the story to my boyfriend and to my best friend. They’re the ones who i can be a complete cry baby without being judge. Not that, i find people very judgemental (Perhaps sometimes) it’s just that i know I created an image within me, that kind of image who’s always happy, positive and cheerful. The catch is, I have no one to run to in times of complete loneliness. 

Well I know for a fact that my friends do love me, overwhelming love I say. They keep on telling me they will be just there when I am ready to talk and spill it all out. They send me “All will be well” messages once in a while. Others try they powers to cheer me up at the least. All I can say is that, i may not be blessed with a perfect family but at least I have friends. True ones.

Another fact for this unfortunate moment in my life is that whenever I’m alone. I just cant help it but to cry. sometimes for no reason, sometimes for flashbacks and memories, and sometimes (a lot of times) for the future. This change in my family, is a total bull. (sobs)

See I cant even complete this post without crying, so…

My Battalia Royale experience is...

My Battalia Royale experience is, was, and always will be... AWESOME.

When Sipat Lawin Ensemble introduces Battalia royale ( a loose adaptation of Battle Royale by Koushun Takami) at the CCP, I had failed to watch it because the last day that they've performed it was the only day that I knew about it. It got me dissapointed because I really wanted to see how will they execute such.

So when my friend told me that they will gonna have another screening and this time in an abandoned school somewhere in cubao. Oh God, I quickly saved the date.!

My Victoria Abandoned School ticket

That abandoned school experience was SUPERB. Good thing is I decided to wear plain clothes and shoes. Remember that in watching Battalia Royale, you have to wear the most comfortable clothes in your whole life because in Battalia, everything is intense. I was amazed on how the characters gave justice to their roles. You'll give sympathy to the losers, apathy to the loners, and of course empathy to each and every one. 

We run, we shouted, we clapped our hands, elbow to elbow with strangers whose goal in mind was the same as yours: To have a good view of the scene. You have to fight for your place,for a better view of each scenes, figuratively and literally. haha 

Of course the story is not that far from the original Battle Royale, in fact when you watch it? You'll be carried away to the story. I always heard these phrases from the audience "Imagine papatayon mo yung classmates mo?" Of course, I couln't help but to imagine it as well. Pano kaya kung wala akong choice and I really have to kill my classmates to survive? I really dont know what to do, One thing's for sure,(Insert irritating classmate's name here) gonna die first. haha

I also love the fact that the cast of Battalia Royale are humble individuals. You can talk to them after the show, take pictures with them be friends with them and eventually FB friends haha and so on. they are just really nice ;)

So I went home with that big smile on my face, I was so happy because I found my favorite play of all.

Battalia Royale ver. 3

After months of Battalia Royale fandom, They introduced another version of BR and called it BRv3. This time it was held @ Museo Pambata. I can say that I risk lot of things just to watch this. hahaha

I remember saving my last money to buy the tickets, and walking from UN Station to Museo Pambata without me knowing where Museo Pambata really is. Paiyak na nga ko kasi hindi ko talaga makita kahit anlayo na ng nilalakad ko. haha  And I was alone that time, I am wearing shorts in the middle of the night. God that's creepy. I would never forgot that haha.

When I reached Museo Pambata and saw my friends I almost cried. haha

I decided to wear white again because I love the blood squirting and all that shenanigans haha. I gained lots of bruises but never mind, that was a totally fun and awesome night ;) 

But really, I like the Cubao abandoned school more, Museo is so big, your energy decreases at the end of the game because eventually you'll get tired of running and chasing the students of Class hope. And there are far too many secret scenes that happens at the same time so it was really confusing to watch. You choose the story you want. The bigger picture will be achieved if you just chose to.  But neverthless, it's still awesome :)

My bloody shirt right after Battalia ver. 3

Battalia Zero: Last installment :(

After a month, Sipat Lawin Ensemble released the announcement of their last installment. This time it was called Battalia Zero. The best thing about this is that it's a pay-what-you-can show. haha Basically, it's almost free. :)) The catch is only 350 fans will be accommodated  I never want to miss this. I cant. I just can't. haha So I went ther with my best friends at 5 pm! an hour before the open house. And in just a couple of minutes, everyone is rushing to get in line. Luckily for us since we arrived early we already had tickets.

The show started and it was the most numbered crowd I had ever seen in my whole Battalia watching experience. Andaming tao 400 ata kami,. I kinda got  irritated because it was really hard to fought for a better view there's just too many people. Oftentimes when I like something and everyone just turns to like them as well, I immediately loses my interest. But I really do not know what's in BR that keeps me craving for it. Even if millions of people already liked it, it makes me love it more.

Again and again, a night of Battalia is awesome. ;)

Of course everyone loves a certain character right? haha I said love, okay? I love Sebastian Kiriyama. Haha Kiriyummy rather :P I have that natural knock when it comes to bad boys. I love bad boys. They look cute, tough and masculine and challenging! haha and he's just the  perfect fit for my description. haha 

Kevin is such a gentleman he's very very nice :)

@ Victoria abandoned school

@ Museo Pambata

Battalia Zero. (closer lol)

Have I told you guys that I love him? :P

I love sebastian Kiriyama. But my favorite really is Erlat Madrigal ;) She's this tough girl with lots of humor and she's a soft hearted betch! that i know! Lol She delivers her lines as if there's no script at all. Very natural. Cant say much I just really love her to the core of my heart ;)

Erlat

Since I am currently fan girling, let me introduce to you my favorite guys of all. The Kiriyama's ;)

Oh God. I can't believe BR has come to an end. It was such an awesome experience. Have I mentioned its an awesome experience? (what? lol) 

Note: Credits to SLE fb page for the pictures :)

Baking cupcakes :)

It's my first time to bake cupcakes. I usually make brownies and pasta. But I really wanted to make cupcakes so I decided to make one today and it's a hooray! :))

It tastes really delicious, I have to admit that I burnt some haha but eventually I was able to get the right timing for the oven ;) And I am so proud. lol

Along with the butter cupcakes I made a mixed drink too and I called it Tropical Tea spritzer. It's made up of Iced tea, Orange juice and soda. 

I guess i'll be having such a sweet dinner ;) 

If...

If...

Graduation is just months away, 6 months to be exact. And seriously speaking, here i am again- dunno what to do.

Meron naman akong concrete plans after graduation, well hindi masyadong concrete so I think it’ll be better to call it abstract plans. Pero parang di pa din tugma. O sige, drafted plans nalang after graduation. 

What I really want after graduation is to go to Paris and study film. I really want that like so badly that even just the thought of it makes me want to shout or cry or do something violent LOL. That’s what I really want in the first place. Kaso ang lakas ng tama sakin ng scientific method. Sabi kasi sa scientific method dapat daw may process para maabot yung conclusion. By process they mean steps. Ang daming steps na kaialangan ko pa gawin.

For me to go  to Paris I need (in the candy girls’ vocabs) moolah. Lot’s of em. Nacompute ko na actually so alam ko na kung magkano kaialangan ko ipunin. My plans are straight. Magtratrabaho ako ng malala. Siguro magkcall center ako for a while kasi practically speaking, malaki sahod dun and in no time I can earn what I needed. So, kahit medyo degrading ok lang. On our generation bitches, money now one of the basic needs.

So yun, call center. then save for Paris. Im not planning to go straight to Paris. Well, naisip ko kasi na kung magttrabaho ako sa ibang bansa, di lang doble, triple minsan times68 pa ng sahod sa call center yung kikitain ko. So ayun, I will work here, save some for the trip abroad then voila. More more work in a foreign land.

Of course, Im not ging to do that alone. Sinabi ko na to kay M (bf) he agrees with me and he even said that he’s coming. Pag nakaipon na ko enough para makatrabaho abroad. Sasama siya sakin, we’ll be renting a house or an apartment there. Parang live in while both of us is working for our future. Mag iipon ako ng pang Paris ko tapos yung other savings bibigay ko kay Mommy. 

After work, magiging semi wife ako kay M, gunna cook him dinner, tell him about my day, ask him about his and then cuddle. We crave for that moment :) <3

Siguro kapag nakapag aral na ko sa Paris, uuwi na kami ng Pilipinas. Magtatayo ng restaurant kasi ayun talaga yung gusto naming dalawa. Tapos nun magpapakasal :)

After nun ippursue ko na yung film making passion ko.

Kapag nagawa ko na yung gusto ko, bibili na ko ng kotse. And sa pagbili ko ng kotse (only my super friends know what will happen next ;) )

after that, I’ll guess i’ll be happy. that’s all I really wanted.

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Why am I writing this entry? KAsi may sakit akong kalimot, aligaga, at magulong isip. One way or another pwede magbago lahat to at mag iba ang gusto ko mangyari sakin after graduation. sometimes I hate myself for being such a brat. But Im going to keep this entry, have this printed as well. Para next time na magbago na naman isip ko, babasahin ko to and will think about how wonderful it will be kapag nangyari to.

6 months. After that, this shall come to life.

Beggining to get crazy,

D

Minimalist

This is one of my favorite thrifted pieces. The long sleeved long shirt that cost me only 20 pesos. Cheap right? And so beautiful. It's very versatile. Can wear it with shorts or pants or with nothing at all. hahaha. Kidding. :)))