If...

If...

Graduation is just months away, 6 months to be exact. And seriously speaking, here i am again- dunno what to do.

Meron naman akong concrete plans after graduation, well hindi masyadong concrete so I think it’ll be better to call it abstract plans. Pero parang di pa din tugma. O sige, drafted plans nalang after graduation. 

What I really want after graduation is to go to Paris and study film. I really want that like so badly that even just the thought of it makes me want to shout or cry or do something violent LOL. That’s what I really want in the first place. Kaso ang lakas ng tama sakin ng scientific method. Sabi kasi sa scientific method dapat daw may process para maabot yung conclusion. By process they mean steps. Ang daming steps na kaialangan ko pa gawin.

For me to go  to Paris I need (in the candy girls’ vocabs) moolah. Lot’s of em. Nacompute ko na actually so alam ko na kung magkano kaialangan ko ipunin. My plans are straight. Magtratrabaho ako ng malala. Siguro magkcall center ako for a while kasi practically speaking, malaki sahod dun and in no time I can earn what I needed. So, kahit medyo degrading ok lang. On our generation bitches, money now one of the basic needs.

So yun, call center. then save for Paris. Im not planning to go straight to Paris. Well, naisip ko kasi na kung magttrabaho ako sa ibang bansa, di lang doble, triple minsan times68 pa ng sahod sa call center yung kikitain ko. So ayun, I will work here, save some for the trip abroad then voila. More more work in a foreign land.

Of course, Im not ging to do that alone. Sinabi ko na to kay M (bf) he agrees with me and he even said that he’s coming. Pag nakaipon na ko enough para makatrabaho abroad. Sasama siya sakin, we’ll be renting a house or an apartment there. Parang live in while both of us is working for our future. Mag iipon ako ng pang Paris ko tapos yung other savings bibigay ko kay Mommy. 

After work, magiging semi wife ako kay M, gunna cook him dinner, tell him about my day, ask him about his and then cuddle. We crave for that moment :) <3

Siguro kapag nakapag aral na ko sa Paris, uuwi na kami ng Pilipinas. Magtatayo ng restaurant kasi ayun talaga yung gusto naming dalawa. Tapos nun magpapakasal :)

After nun ippursue ko na yung film making passion ko.

Kapag nagawa ko na yung gusto ko, bibili na ko ng kotse. And sa pagbili ko ng kotse (only my super friends know what will happen next ;) )

after that, I’ll guess i’ll be happy. that’s all I really wanted.

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Why am I writing this entry? KAsi may sakit akong kalimot, aligaga, at magulong isip. One way or another pwede magbago lahat to at mag iba ang gusto ko mangyari sakin after graduation. sometimes I hate myself for being such a brat. But Im going to keep this entry, have this printed as well. Para next time na magbago na naman isip ko, babasahin ko to and will think about how wonderful it will be kapag nangyari to.

6 months. After that, this shall come to life.

Beggining to get crazy,

D

Minimalist

This is one of my favorite thrifted pieces. The long sleeved long shirt that cost me only 20 pesos. Cheap right? And so beautiful. It's very versatile. Can wear it with shorts or pants or with nothing at all. hahaha. Kidding. :)))

Vintage

The dress was from a thrift store, bought by a friend for me, she says she finds it very Daisy Cayanan. lol and my boots is my favorite shoes of all <3

High School friends are forever :)

October 24th.

I hate to go to school and claim my class card because I knew (expect somehow) what's waiting for me. A flunking  grade of 3.00 for Chemistry. I blogged a lot about my frustrations in the said subject before so no need to expand it cause it will just bring back the feelings. LOL I received a 2.75 for the effort by the way :P

But then again happiness is a choice so I just said to myself that whatever my grades will be I'm gonna eat it off with five of my favorite persons in the whole world. My high school friends.

We decided to meet in SM Manila, walking distance to my school and Lindcy's too. We planned to meet @ 2:00pm but due to human nature, we were complete by 4:00 pm. haha lol. I was the last one to arrive as always. haha

Off we went to the main event of the day which is to eat. We went to Zark's in Vito Cruz. Ryan wanted to try it so I demanded a free meal first before accompanying him there. haha Clever bitch, yes. haha I ordered the Zarks Ultimate burger and man it really is ultimate.

ultimate burger


I had an empty stomach before going to Zarks, but the mere sight of the ultimate burger made me ultimately full Honestly I had a hard time finishing it. haha

Rhenz, Arjhay and Butz

I think this is the Shaq burger that Arjhay ordered.

 Arjhay has the fullest tummy of all haha. He ate Lindcy's burger too for Lindcy cannot take the calories anymore. lol

Dahil sa picture na ito, antagal niya pumili ng oorderin haha

haggard me with my Ultimate burger courtesy of Butz. haha 

Butz, I really dont know what you're feeling but eat that burger.

the boys

lindcy moi

rolando. lol arjhay

There is so much fun in Zarks. Butz havent changed he still enjoys being the laughing stock. ahaha. Goofed with them while eating and then we decided to go to MOA. Ah, high school days. haha

The first thing we did is to play @ Timezone.  Arjhay being the richest kid that day haha paid for the credits.

The picture above is one of the funniest. haha Butz is not really playing so its really a wonder why he acts so. haha Mind you he's all by his self that time. lol

with moi

with my two loved boys in the world

Stroll, stroll and more stroll in MOA. nalibot na nga namen eh. haha Nakakapgod so Arjhay again being the richest kid that day haha treated us in Juice Avenue.

I ordered Divisoria :)

At Juice Avenue we reminisce high school moments, funny, sad, and awkward moments. hahaha
Si Arjhay kasi brinought up na me and Rhenz used to be you know what. haha Pero dedma, very past na yun. haha We are good friends :)

And look at what we've found, a photobomber lol 

To sum it up, it was a fun day. So much for a day, yes but its all worth it. We planned on meeting again soon and more frequent. Ah, these guys is just so lovable <3

Paris. Paris. Paris. Please?

Before I enrolled myself to my present school, which is Lyceum, I took the UPCAT and passed it but my dad is not open to the idea of me in a boarding house. He's scared for my safety and is not convinced that I will be a good girl. So I just rejected the idea as well, the idea of getting in to one of my dream schools which is UP diliman.

I am seriouos in taking Film courses there, I love films, (Indie films in particular) I'm an avid fan of films. Films. films. Blah. Motherfucking Blah Films. I LOVE FILMS.

Today, I came across New York Film Academy's (NYFA) website. And I drool over the programs that they are offering. But my eyes was fixed across the "Cinematography" course they are offering. It's about 760,000 pesos for a year of studying in there. And I'm not kidding. It's that expensive! Well at least for me cause we're not filthy rich. And it sucks. ugh. And of course, 760K is still not enough for me to study there. The lodge, my food, my toiletries, my allowance, the equipment I'll be using  will be another add-ons to my expenses. I just dont fucking know how can I fucking save 760K +++++++

Frustating.

Then i found out that NYFA also have a branch in Paris, France,it;s not so obvious that I love that place, right?. So yea, found out that they also have the same school in Paris and God knows how I almost lost my breath knowing I could study there. My dream place, my dream job. So awesome! so I searched for the tuition cost and found out that it's just about 200,000 pesos. (grinning right at this moment) 200,000! Not that far from reality.

And so my dreams were once again, revive.

I asked my old time buddy/ professor who already went to Paris on how much will it cost me to go to Paris and, how do I start and stuffs like that. I was so giddy when I found out that It'll cost me about 100K or so. So I needed to just save 300K-400K or maybe even 500K to fulfill my dreams. Right at this moment I swear to God, Why didnt I become filthy rich? Oh my God.

500,000 pesos. I need 500,000 pesos. Or maybe less If I get a grant or scholarsgip to NYFA (Which I was working on right now ) Bottomline is: I need a hell lot of money.

After graduation I swear to God, i'll save money when I get a job. And I'm planning to get a high paying job so I could save so fast.

Oh my God. Adrenalin's rushing again. Fuck,fuck,fuck. I;ll be at Paris and study film. I swear to God.

Yesterday, we celebrated our 4th anniversary. It was one of the simplest celebrations we had, cause usually we go on trips and stuff.  I remember on our first is where we spend a week going out on dates, and the second is where we went to Tagaytay, the third one if I;m not mistaken is at Batangas. Im not so familiar with occasions anymore XD for this day, we just spent the night in our house, he slept over :)

For weeks, I had been thinking of a gift that will somehow surprise him, I love surprising him. It's my way of saying thank you for all the things that he has done to me (drama eh. haha) So I decided to fill my room with sticky notes, cheeeeeeesy sticky notes :) And here's the result:

I tried hard to fill my room but it is soooooooooooo focken tiring I gave up,  haha I just formed a heart shape in the center, and it worked (or so I think). He was surprised so I received thank you kisses immediately. Me is so happy :)

Wala to.

Bukas gigising ako ng wala ng bubungad na "Good morning honey, I love you" message sakin.

Kakain ako ng tanghalian ng walang nagsasabing "Damihan mo ha"

Uuwi ako ng bahay ng walang magpapaalalag "Mag Ingat ka sa pagtawid ha"

Bukas, ako nalang mag isa,

Wala na kong katext hanggang madaling araw, wala na kong kasamang magsimba pag Linggo. Wala na kong pupuntahan tuwing Martes. Wala na kong kukulitin kapag ayaw ko gumawa ng homeworks. Wala na kong kasamang magplaplano ng pupuntahan para sa mga susunod na buwan. Wala ng susundo sakin. Wala ng bibilan ako ng gamot pag nagkakasakit ako. Wala na kong aawayin. Wala na kong kapalitan ng I Love You at I Miss You. Wala na akong dapat abangang anniversary sa October 19 :(

Wala nang magsasabi saking tumahan na ko, wala na kong kasama manood ng sine, wala na kong kajamming sa food trip, wala na kong kahati sa panyo, wala ng hahawak ng kamay ko. 

T_________________________________________________________T