Happy (Sad) Birthday Daisy!

I have 3 nipples.

Hahaha Kidding. what a way to start this entry right? Credits to TMR Book 2 :P

This, by far is one of the most memorable birthday ever.

The real date of my birthday is December 31. But I guess it's of my traditions to celebrate it from the 26th to the 31st. Haha (It pays to have lots of friends lol)

On the 26, I spent it with my family in Bulacan.

On the 27th I went out shopping with my man.

On the 28th, Rest day. Haha

On the 29th I went to the Missionaries of Charity again to keep up and bring them some goodies (Birthday ritual)

On the 30th it was a undecided gala with 3 of my favorite people in the universe. Jayson (Badudz), Rhenz, and Ryan Jay (Butz). Actually I had planned this all along with Arjhay but the bitch is not replying on the day itself so I guess it was safe to call it quits but then again, Badudz texted me insisting we go out. So we did :D (yey!) It's been what? 3 or 4 years since we haven't seen each other. Maybe occasionally  but not so long to call it gala just frequent hi's and hello's. And so he fetched me at home then we fetched Rhenz and then we rode on a bus en route to Trinoma. The original plan is to watch a movie while waiting for Butz. But the line is so frustrating so we end up playing monopoly deal @ Starbucks Sky Garden, and after 489 years Butz appeared and we talked, walked, laughed, ate Jolly Spaghetti, talked and happily went home. Actually, these guys accompany me home and you cant just guess my mom's happiness upon seeing them again. :)

Butz, Rhenz, Badudz and Me :)

After all the happiness they had brought me for the day, In the end I still feel so miserable. I hate to spoil everything in my blog and just want to keep that as a memory because everything that happened is so frustrating.

So it was December 31st. My exact nineteenth birthday. I opened my Facebook account and found 200+ greetings from real life friends to acquaintances to almost everyone. But then again the overwhelming greetings are not enough. I refuse to get out of my room until lunch time. Frankly dont want to celebrate my birthday and even New Year per se. There's just too much hatred and sadness in my heart to the core of my body. Exaggerated? Ikr? haha But honestly, There's an instance that I said to myself that this is my worst birthday ever. (tears)

And then these girls texted me that they are coming over. And I know them my whole life so I also knew that no IFS or BUTS can stop them from coming. So I washed up, help a little at the kitchen, checked my phone and cried. Reason why? Its a secret ;)

Bestest best friends ever :)

 So these girls came in and I being an eccedenteciast have to fake some smiles. But eventually they know me so well so I spill to them the story of my sadness for the day. They're comforting, understanding, and ever so funny. I even guessed that they brought along some luck because at the middle of our chit chats, there he was. My wish, it came true :) And the rest is history. :))

By the way it was indeed the first time that my girlfriends met my 4-year boyfriend Michael. <3 So there's no stopping a photo op. Teehee! :)

My loves :)

So to generalize, it was a roller coaster ride of emotions for my nineteenth birthday. Happy New Year everyone! :)

December is love.

December is the holiday season, and also my mother month because my birthday falls on the last day of December, so basically, I L O V E T H I S M O N T H. :))))))

On about the first week of December, I received a book stand from my friend, an Eiffel Tower Bookstand. I am so happy I hugged my friend in the middle pf the class. haha

And then For my Christmas shopping I bought the Eiffel tower figurine for myself. I am planning to collect all the inches they have. Haha. It's too cute I can die just staring at it.

And just yesterday (Christmas day) I received an Eiffel Tower key chain from my cousin as a present for Christmas. It is cute, right? :))))

I just love Paris and December too. Hopefully before or on during my birthday I wish to receive lots of Eiffel Tower collectibles. Haha So Calling all of my friends? hahaha

How was your December so far? :)

Third Attempt.

 rarely talk about my family problems because when I do? I get lost. Depressed. It’s killing me and I am aware of that ever since.

So I rarely talk about them.

But what the fucking hell is going on with my life?! It’s broken, damaged and I am taking it seriously. Which I hate of course, But I cant avoid it. I just cant T__________T

For you whore. You ruined my life, my beautiful family and my classic parents. You ruined everything, even your own life. You shall die, (ASAP Please?) Look, I know it’s bad to wish something bad for someone but isn’t it badder to do bad things at someone? So I hope you die. Just die. JJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUSSSST DIE! Tangina.

For you Dad, I hope you realize these things. These hatreds you’re causing me. These depression and over thinkings I am messing with. I hope you realize what you’re giving up to Dad. I hope you do. Do you know how badly I want to ruin my life? You dont. Because you fucking choose a bitch over your family. If I just want to, I could go back to my old vices. I can drink all night or smoke to death, I can skip school or worst? Get pregnant early. But Im not going to do that. Just because you ruined yours doesn’t mean I’m going to ruin mine. Thanks for leaving, I hope you to have a great life T______________T

These words are the exact words that I badly want to shout. But how? I cant. Im weak. I can’t finish this. Again. T_____________T

Second attempt

I dont know roughly how to start this. But this thing? It’s destroying me. I do not want it to, but it feels so damn hard, too heavy and for the nth time- Im weak :(

I plan to visit our old pastor and tell him about this. I think I need to pray real hard for I am losing my sense of life. Got no direction. Frankly don’t want to live this kind of life anymore. T___________T

I feel betrayed. I feel so alone. Trusting him was so wrong. I mean all these time dad? Seriously? T__T I never thought you’d be like that. I always look up to you. Made myself believe that when everyone turn their backs on me you’d be the last one to do so.

I  (am trying to) hate you. I dont want to, but you’re making me. I feel so miserable daddy. Why? :( T_________T

So Again, I cannot continue this entry. Sighs.

Truth be told

IM SAD

Im in a state of mind where in I feel hopeless, weak and just hmm. Sad. 

Truth is, for 3 consecutive days I have been crying each friggin night. I’ve been feeling that same old feeling I always used to. It’s hard, dealing with your own emotions yet trying to be strong for everyone. It’s just, HARD.

I refuse to tell anyone about my problems, fact is I only told the story to my boyfriend and to my best friend. They’re the ones who i can be a complete cry baby without being judge. Not that, i find people very judgemental (Perhaps sometimes) it’s just that i know I created an image within me, that kind of image who’s always happy, positive and cheerful. The catch is, I have no one to run to in times of complete loneliness. 

Well I know for a fact that my friends do love me, overwhelming love I say. They keep on telling me they will be just there when I am ready to talk and spill it all out. They send me “All will be well” messages once in a while. Others try they powers to cheer me up at the least. All I can say is that, i may not be blessed with a perfect family but at least I have friends. True ones.

Another fact for this unfortunate moment in my life is that whenever I’m alone. I just cant help it but to cry. sometimes for no reason, sometimes for flashbacks and memories, and sometimes (a lot of times) for the future. This change in my family, is a total bull. (sobs)

See I cant even complete this post without crying, so…

My Battalia Royale experience is...

My Battalia Royale experience is, was, and always will be... AWESOME.

When Sipat Lawin Ensemble introduces Battalia royale ( a loose adaptation of Battle Royale by Koushun Takami) at the CCP, I had failed to watch it because the last day that they've performed it was the only day that I knew about it. It got me dissapointed because I really wanted to see how will they execute such.

So when my friend told me that they will gonna have another screening and this time in an abandoned school somewhere in cubao. Oh God, I quickly saved the date.!

My Victoria Abandoned School ticket

That abandoned school experience was SUPERB. Good thing is I decided to wear plain clothes and shoes. Remember that in watching Battalia Royale, you have to wear the most comfortable clothes in your whole life because in Battalia, everything is intense. I was amazed on how the characters gave justice to their roles. You'll give sympathy to the losers, apathy to the loners, and of course empathy to each and every one. 

We run, we shouted, we clapped our hands, elbow to elbow with strangers whose goal in mind was the same as yours: To have a good view of the scene. You have to fight for your place,for a better view of each scenes, figuratively and literally. haha 

Of course the story is not that far from the original Battle Royale, in fact when you watch it? You'll be carried away to the story. I always heard these phrases from the audience "Imagine papatayon mo yung classmates mo?" Of course, I couln't help but to imagine it as well. Pano kaya kung wala akong choice and I really have to kill my classmates to survive? I really dont know what to do, One thing's for sure,(Insert irritating classmate's name here) gonna die first. haha

I also love the fact that the cast of Battalia Royale are humble individuals. You can talk to them after the show, take pictures with them be friends with them and eventually FB friends haha and so on. they are just really nice ;)

So I went home with that big smile on my face, I was so happy because I found my favorite play of all.

Battalia Royale ver. 3

After months of Battalia Royale fandom, They introduced another version of BR and called it BRv3. This time it was held @ Museo Pambata. I can say that I risk lot of things just to watch this. hahaha

I remember saving my last money to buy the tickets, and walking from UN Station to Museo Pambata without me knowing where Museo Pambata really is. Paiyak na nga ko kasi hindi ko talaga makita kahit anlayo na ng nilalakad ko. haha  And I was alone that time, I am wearing shorts in the middle of the night. God that's creepy. I would never forgot that haha.

When I reached Museo Pambata and saw my friends I almost cried. haha

I decided to wear white again because I love the blood squirting and all that shenanigans haha. I gained lots of bruises but never mind, that was a totally fun and awesome night ;) 

But really, I like the Cubao abandoned school more, Museo is so big, your energy decreases at the end of the game because eventually you'll get tired of running and chasing the students of Class hope. And there are far too many secret scenes that happens at the same time so it was really confusing to watch. You choose the story you want. The bigger picture will be achieved if you just chose to.  But neverthless, it's still awesome :)

My bloody shirt right after Battalia ver. 3

Battalia Zero: Last installment :(

After a month, Sipat Lawin Ensemble released the announcement of their last installment. This time it was called Battalia Zero. The best thing about this is that it's a pay-what-you-can show. haha Basically, it's almost free. :)) The catch is only 350 fans will be accommodated  I never want to miss this. I cant. I just can't. haha So I went ther with my best friends at 5 pm! an hour before the open house. And in just a couple of minutes, everyone is rushing to get in line. Luckily for us since we arrived early we already had tickets.

The show started and it was the most numbered crowd I had ever seen in my whole Battalia watching experience. Andaming tao 400 ata kami,. I kinda got  irritated because it was really hard to fought for a better view there's just too many people. Oftentimes when I like something and everyone just turns to like them as well, I immediately loses my interest. But I really do not know what's in BR that keeps me craving for it. Even if millions of people already liked it, it makes me love it more.

Again and again, a night of Battalia is awesome. ;)

Of course everyone loves a certain character right? haha I said love, okay? I love Sebastian Kiriyama. Haha Kiriyummy rather :P I have that natural knock when it comes to bad boys. I love bad boys. They look cute, tough and masculine and challenging! haha and he's just the  perfect fit for my description. haha 

Kevin is such a gentleman he's very very nice :)

@ Victoria abandoned school

@ Museo Pambata

Battalia Zero. (closer lol)

Have I told you guys that I love him? :P

I love sebastian Kiriyama. But my favorite really is Erlat Madrigal ;) She's this tough girl with lots of humor and she's a soft hearted betch! that i know! Lol She delivers her lines as if there's no script at all. Very natural. Cant say much I just really love her to the core of my heart ;)

Erlat

Since I am currently fan girling, let me introduce to you my favorite guys of all. The Kiriyama's ;)

Oh God. I can't believe BR has come to an end. It was such an awesome experience. Have I mentioned its an awesome experience? (what? lol) 

Note: Credits to SLE fb page for the pictures :)

Baking cupcakes :)

It's my first time to bake cupcakes. I usually make brownies and pasta. But I really wanted to make cupcakes so I decided to make one today and it's a hooray! :))

It tastes really delicious, I have to admit that I burnt some haha but eventually I was able to get the right timing for the oven ;) And I am so proud. lol

Along with the butter cupcakes I made a mixed drink too and I called it Tropical Tea spritzer. It's made up of Iced tea, Orange juice and soda. 

I guess i'll be having such a sweet dinner ;)