I'm not afraid of heights, deep water, or love. I'm afraid of falling, drowning, and a broken heart.

Sabi sa movie ni Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal :  "There's a lot i dont understand about life you meet thousands of people and met one person and your life has change"

Which is true, we do meet thousand, millions, billions of people. but only one makes an impact. I have been constantly happy with Michael, my boyfriend for three years and 5 months as i am writing this post. Syempre madaming down moments. Magkaiba kasi kame ng persona, tahimik siya and im extremely loud. Mature na siya mag isip, ako hindi pa. He dont have plans, i have lots. Opposite attracts daw, pero not all the time.

Before ako yung immature, ngayon i feel so mature. i have the feel that i am responsible to everything that has an impact to my life. My body, my family, my friends, my relationship as well. Feeling ko dapat LAHAT naka ayon sa plano. dapat LAHAT masusunod. and so the tables had turned, humihawalay na siya sa mga plano ko, masyadong napapabilis ung metabolism. ang layo na ng gap namen.

Next thing I knew, I was broken hearted.

I really dont know who's to blame if there is such. Gusto ko ng ganito, gusto ko ng ganyan. I want a straightforward future. A future well planned. I want him to be there, but were gazillion of miles away from each other's perspectives. how could that be?

I tried to save the relationship. Lots of times pa nga e. kasi alam ko na ako lang naman yung mag aayos, pag pinabayaan ko wala talagang mangyayari. It's never wrong to save a relationship, lalo na if it's for the better. what's wrong is if you're the only one who's trying to save the relationship. ang hirap nun. Pakiramdam ko tuloy mag isa lang ako. pakiramdam ko tuloy ako nalang yung may gusto.

Tapos mabubuo yung sawa factor. Magsasawa ka na kakasave. Magsaswa ka ng kakadrama. Magsaswa ka na kakapangaral sa kanya na kasi ganito ganyan blah blah. Magsasawa ka na sa lahat. But then again hindi mo magawang iwanan. napapaisip nga ako minsan eh, dahil ba sa tagal ng pagsasama kaya mahirap humiwalay kahit wala ng feelings? Fvck commitment if so.

Dont get me wrong that was just my thoughts. I do love him. I love him every single day na hindi niya ko itetext, i love him every single night na hindi siya mag gu-goodnight. I love him kahit paulit ulit akong magalit sa kanya. tinatanong mo siguro kung bakit? Kasi he has been the only one who changed me.

I was never like this, i was never caring to the people around me. I only love myself before. And God knows how afraid am I to commitments. Takot akong matali sa isang tao lang, para kasi sakin bata pa ko madami pa kong makikilala. Madami dapat. But God is so playful he chose to stick me to a person that is completely my opposite. He let me commit, and now I'm still clingy to this.

I became patient, I became careful and above all I became a better me.

So better that i can handle myself though my heart breaks at the sad thought that were actually drifting away from each other. I was moving forward and he is moving slowly backwards. Sometimes he I slows down so he can catch up. But it's not all the time that I have to be the one to make the adjustments.

The thing with relationships, ang hirap imaintain kasi sa pagtagal ng pagkakasama niyo mas lalo niya makikilala yung isat isa. I dont want to be a feminist here, pero totoo mas naiinlove kameng mga babae kapag tumatagal na yung relasyon and guys are the contrary. Sad reality.

I'm referring to GUYS. yes take note of the technicality, guys have far difference from MAN.
A real man would stick to the relationship, hindi lang sa simula, hindi lang sa gitna, kundi forever.

I'm a fraid of falling in love to the wrong guy.
I'm afraid of drowning in a pointless commitment.
I'm afraid of a broken heart that has not been saved.